Many young people find starting high school a time of mixed emotions: excitement, fear, confusion, curiosity and adventure and most admit that starting a new school experience can be a bit scary. They may feel lost and confused, miss their old primary school friends and worry that they might not fit in. Expect your young person will have to cope with changes and some might be challenged as they adjust to differences.
Most students will be negotiating body changes in response to puberty. As this is an individual journey your coltish young person might share classes with students who look like they have left their wives and kids in the car park! High Schools are much bigger, anonymous places than primary school where everyone knew your name and school systems with different classrooms and different teachers add an extra challenge. Friendships change and even established friendships can be challenged in the high school melting pot as students tackle one of the primary developmental tasks of establishing identity.
If you find that your student is irritable and short tempered, being withdrawn, changing behaviour by being disagreeable or rebellious or articulating stress through pain in the tummy or head or school refusal these might be signs that your teen is not coping. While many students exhibit some of these behaviours anyway, if these signs persist after the first few weeks it’s time to speak to the school to help address the source of stress.
Parents also might find this a stressful and confusing time while they are juggling work and family commitments and figuring out how much help and support to offer the new high school student. Here are my favourite pieces of parental advice drawn over the years from our parenting groups:
- Remember that despite their emerging sophistication students still need to hear you say you love, approve of and support them
- Provide reassurance by normalising some of the confused and unsure feelings and perhaps sharing your own high school experience
- Celebrate their strengths: they need to be reminded of what they do well while they tackle challenges
- Be a supportive listener and don’t give advice too quickly: help them problem solve and encourage thinking for themselves
- Be patient while your student tackles the challenges of first year high school and remember that being organised is usually a learned skill
- Get to know the school community – other parents can be your best resource.
If you have young people in your family who hurt, intimidate or abuse you there are two parenting programs which may help you regain control in your family and increase your conflict resolution skills.
Centacare will deliver the 8 week Who’s In Charge parenting course for parents of children 8 – 25 years in 2014 in metropolitan Adelaide. The course is based on the work of Eddie Gallagher, a Victorian social worker and one of the first parenting specialists in Australia to acknowledge adolescent violence in the home. The course addresses parents’ feelings of guilt and isolation, clarifies boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, develops family capacity and identifies practical strategies for change in a positive and supporting environment.
The Who’s In Charge course is for parents who feel constantly challenged by their children’s behaviour. It also addresses threatening behaviour, emotional and physical abuse, dealing with powerful emotions including anger and rage and builds individual plans for safer families.
If you are troubled by your adolescent’s extreme behaviour this is the course for you.
Contact Centacare for information about the Who’s In Charge course in 2014.
If you want to know more about the work of Eddie Gallagher please click on the link http://www.eddiegallagher.id.au/
2014 will also herald a new program to address young people’s violence and abuse in the family. The Walking on Eggshells Project will be piloting Step Up for SA beginning March 2014. The group program is based on the successful Step Up – Building Respectful Family Relationships program developed by Lily Anderson and Greg Routt in the USA and has been adapted for South Australia offering young people and their parents a 13 week cognitive-behaviour intervention program. This program uses a Restorative Practice model of accountability, competency development and family safety aimed a decreasing violent behaviours and increasing pro-social behaviours. The program has a two-fold focus:
- to help young people learn about the impact of violent behaviours in the family and adopt pro-social behaviours
- to assist parents with skills to support behaviour change in the family.
The pilot program starts in early March 2014 at Hindmarsh. For further information and referral contact Rosalie O’Connor, Step Up for SA Co-ordinator at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you want to know more about the work of Lily Anderson and Greg Routt go to www.kingcounty.gov/courts/stepup/Curriculum.aspx