Siblings Without Rivalry?
Is this really possible? We don’t believe so – however, there are ways that we as parents can help children deal with the intense feelings siblings have toward each other.
When a second baby comes into the family, it is sometimes compared to our
partner bringing a new lover into the home! This new person takes up an incredible amount of time and attention from the people/person who was the first child’s alone – a huge adjustment for anyone. No amount of cajoling about how great it will be for them to have a playmate (in 12 months time or longer) can make up for this change in position in the family.
One of the most important ways to positively respond to a sibling’s angry feelings toward their brother/sister is to accept their anger. By this we mean, comments such as “yes it must be really hard for you when I need to feed ‘Lucy’ and you want me to play with you”. No adding explanations such as “but Lucy’s only a little baby, she can’t feed herself”. As rational as this is, we need primarily to let our child know we understand their FEELINGS and that these feelings are perfectly normal.
4 Responses to Siblings Without Rivalry?
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Hi I am having trouble with my 2.5 yr old hitting her 6mt old brother I try to tell her it is not ok to hit and she can hit pillows instead of ppl but it doesn’t seem to be working, any advice
Hi Sally
This is a really common problem. When this happens give all your attention to the baby and none to your toddler. After a couple of minutes, engage your toddler in something else. Ignoring unwanted behaviour discourages it – instead connect with her in a positive way. Spending one-on-one time with your toddler whenever you can is a great way to reduce the rivalry. Let me know how you get on!
Thanks for your advice. I have tried spending one to one time with my daughter and sometimes it works. My toddler was sensitive and highly strung before we had a sibling so we know this will take time. How do you explain to a toddler that she is feeling jelous and she just needs to wait her turn sometimes.
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